Friendship

There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for my friends and the friendship I share with each of them. I smile just in writing that. These are people, who over my lifetime through every phase to this point, I have had the rare good fortune to have with me through thick and thin, milestones and life changes, over great distances of time and location, and with whom I know would be by my side if I needed them, and they in turn know I'd do the same. Is there any greater feeling than knowing someone, who doesn't owe you that level of commitment, has your back? No, there is not.

Last week before I drove home from New Jersey, I had lunch with a friend I haven't seen since her youngest son and my daughter were 18 months old; they're 20-year-olds now... it's been a while.😉 She and I first met when we both started working at the same advertising agency in New York City, just a few months after graduating from our respective colleges. Both newbies in our first big-city careers, we became fast friends - eating lunch together, going to happy hour, crashing at each other's apartments. Ah, to be young again! Fast-forward 30+ years and meeting for lunch this time around felt like picking up a $3.00 slice and a soda special at the pizzeria on the corner of 43rd and 3rd before running back to the office - just a normal everyday event. And after nearly 19 years of only Christmas cards and social media posts to keep us connected, it was wonderfully easy to fall back into comfortable and real conversation. It occurred to me as I got into my car after our goodbyes that I can't even measure what it means to me to have such truly incredible relationships. And by some miracle, a surprising amount of them. I believe I can attribute that to my philosophy on friendship.

I embraced this philosophy in my 20's and it has served me well; that being everyone I meet starts out being a good friend! No one has to earn my friendship. I give it willingly. In doing so, I give the person I'm with a safe place to be open and honest and share their true selves in an approachable, attentive, and nonthreatening manner. Comfort is key and that goes both ways. I make that space for myself as well. 

I mentioned on this blog before that I have anxiety and at times, extremely low self esteem. It's because of these qualities that I approach meeting a new person as an any day get-together with an old friend... because it puts ME at ease. More times than not, it puts the other person at ease as well. No uptight facade, no arrogant persona, no positioning myself as superior to gain higher ground. In fact, I naturally fall into quite the opposite with my self-deprecating wit. [Side Story: In my last job in sales, I would drive hours to visit clients and would inevitably have to use the restroom as soon as I got there. It's a surprisingly good introduction to say "I can't wait to show you the new products but I've got to use your facilities first. I had a large coffee this morning." We are all human so everyone understands that and it puts us all on equal footing.] But as important as making everyone feel comfortable, I also abhor small talk. I want to get to the real conversations, your hopes and dreams, your trials and tribulations, the messy, human existence stuff. And those topics only come about when a connection is felt with another person. I want to share, so I want them to feel they can share too. Is it level jumping on friendship? Certainly. But it's also an instant ahhhh moment. There is something so simple and genuine about being with someone you can be yourself with, warts and all.

Now for anyone who doesn't appreciate my approach to friendship, I can appreciate your position. I'm not for everyone. I wish you well and I will always be personable... unless you give me a reason not to be and that's a post for another day.😂 But for those of you with whom I share my friendship, my life is richer for you being in it. The stories we share are endless and though my memory is NOT always good, knowing that you remember something we experienced together says to me that I hold a particular place in your life too. Again, I can't help but smile.