Warning Signs

I enjoy meeting new people since I'm always interested in learning what makes people tick. And the older I get, the sooner the glaring danger signs present themselves with each introduction. Sometimes, those red flags and tornado sirens come up fast and start waving me off before word one is uttered. That's usually when in my infinite wisdom I say to myself, "Thanks for the heads-up universe. But let's just see where this trainwreck goes, shall we?"

I don't as a general rule immediately trust, but I also don't necessarily distrust. I'm going to call it "a want to trust." Or maybe better put "reserving opinion by watching for the signs of untrustworthiness." Is it the best way to meet people? I do have lifelong friendships and sometimes even virtual strangers and I form bonds straight away so my methods have a pretty good success rate. And even if things go sideways, I always manage to glean some entertainment value from the experience. Because remember, not having the expectation of trust to begin with, I practically expect these new relationships to eventually reveal some kind of character flaw deal breaker. For either of us.

Recently, it was on me. I had the shortcoming this individual could not accept. To paraphrase, "I cannot unsee that this arrangement can be anything but unhealthy for me." Was I insulted? No. Confused? Not ultimately. Angry, sad, defensive, unworthy, wanting to correct myself to salvage the relationship? None of the above. I felt nothing. OK, near nothing. Because the fact is, I'm going to be too much for some people. That's life. Oh well. Then they're not my people either. 

 There's a positive affirmation quote that regularly makes the rounds on social media: "Don't You Dare Dim Your Light to Make Others More Comfortable." In this case, it was my sarcastic sense of humor, or rather my self-deprecating wit that this person found "triggering" and "hiding a deep pain". Honestly, I just think I'm funny. But if you don't find humor in it, there's the door. My sense of humor is one of my favorite qualities about myself so I'm not about to change it because you find it offensive or you believe it masks some trauma. You can offer me your diagnosis but I'm not paying for your time.

When I said before that I felt "near nothing", I did feel two things. One, I'm not for everyone. If you find some deal breaking flaw with me, then you are welcome to go. Because if I don't find value in your observation, I'm not going to fix what I don't deem broken. Two, you are beyond your right to require I change because of your sensibilities. Most especially, when what I am doing affects you in absolutely no concrete way (though I suspect in this instance, this person enjoys the role of superhero to damsel in distress and was hoping to save me from myself; neither one of us fit that bill). Perhaps they should consider the flaw lies with them and the reasoning behind why they are offended. 

I'd like to say I didn't see this coming. Truth is, I saw it from a mile away but that ol' "push the envelope" gene in me is strong. I wanted to see where it would go, how far it would go, and how monumental the eventual fallout would be.

For them, I'm sure they feel they have rid themselves of my toxicity. Good for them! I support that! I've done my fair share of removing energy suckers from my life. You do you!

For me, I've got another story for the books, and my radar for such interactions has improved its range a bit more. Plus there is another quote I've always enjoyed that offers the same sentiment as the other but is certainly more in line with my humor and that is this. "Some of you secretly don't like me, but I secretly know and don't give a shit."