Oh the joy this blog used to bring me.
In truth, it was an escape. My wanting to get away and have something just for me. To divert my attention from the life I had in order to a create a life I wanted.
But now, I'm building that life. One where I'm true to my wants and needs. One where I take the path I feel is right for me, not the path that I was told was right for me. I'm finally getting to the core of who I am. And not surprisingly, she's fantastic!
And she doesn't need to be perfect... or thin.
She likes herself. She doesn't need to seek attention because she already commands it. She doesn't need the approval of others because she has her own. She doesn't need to be the size she was in her mid-twenties... though, she'd love to split the difference.
I have been separated for over a year. But until I can figure out the legalities and the finances, I won't be filing for divorce. My husband is in no rush. The fact is, outside of just wanting to be clean cut of it, our relationship works this way. We don't have to deal with each other and that makes all the difference.
I went back to work. A career that I love. But six months in, I realized two things: that I wasn't making enough money working commission for someone else and more importantly, that I could do the same thing all on my own. So that's just what I did. And I jumped right in too. Started my own business immediately and made more money in the first month than I had in the previous four, loving every minute of it.
My relationships are stronger. The one with my daughter especially. We really talk. We discuss. Not just the day to day but life as a whole and the world around us. She has always made me proud but to witness the woman she is bound to grow into is a gift. She is remarkable. And I hope someday to be just like her.
And lastly, I have someone in my life who has been a rare blessing. A best friend, a muse, a sounding board, a therapist, a sherpa, a soulmate. Our lives intersected at a time when I was surviving my life instead of living it, and he threw me a life preserver. But he didn't pull me to shore. He encouraged me to swim on my own while never leaving my side. I am the person I am today because of him.
When I started this blog, I was searching for something - A Better Bonnie. And along the way, I found her. She's still growing, learning, expanding, digging, accepting, hoping, praying, but at least now, she's living.
And life is moving in inspiring new directions.