I have tried so very hard over the last few days to create the kind of joy we always had on Nantucket by keeping up with all our usual Easter traditions. But instead of feeling like lasting memories it seemed more like chores to check off a list. Color eggs, smile for the camera, trip to the beach, smile for the camera. A feeble forced attempt.
Even the ocean is not breathing new life into my lungs the way it usually does. It was that subtle difference in my perspective no doubt that lead the sea to seem angry and unrelenting instead of powerful and majestic.
But to be true to this new journey I'm on, the road to self discovery is not always going to be choruses of angels singing me to sunlit epiphanies. Sometimes it's going to be heartbreaking truths and moments of deep melancholy that feel like a boulder on my chest.
How fitting though on this Easter weekend. Endings and beginnings. Death and new life. Sadness and joy. Our faith tells us to believe in Christ's resurrection without any proof. A two thousand year old religion built on a belief that something wondrous and profound happened without any evidence and yet it is the driving force behind Christianity. Beyond logic, just trust, that there will be light after darkness, happiness after sorrow, a new beginning after an ending.
We head home today. And while this was not the vacation I had imagined it to be, it was no doubt the one I needed.
I trust that tomorrow will be a better day and the start of something truly wonderful.