Friday, March 28, 2014

Midnight

Negativity.
Keeps me awake. Angry thoughts.
Try to push them out.

Positivity.
Must find a way to shine through. 
So sleep can find me. 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Everyday

Everyday when I wake up,

I push passed the aches and pains of my aging and overworked body,

I face a list of errands and chores and schedules and responsibilities,

I renew my determination to have patience and love in raising my daughter while also knowing I will fall short,

I breathe deeply through my fears and insecurities to appear competent in a career I've not yet mastered,

I force myself to continue on paths of healthy eating and exercise even when I'd rather not,

I tell myself to have hope that happiness and inner peace are within my grasp even when I'm tired and sad and at the end of my rope.

And I do it all, everyday, against the odds and against my natural inclinations, all the while being kind and outgoing and positive to those around me. 

All that, and I still make time for "you".

I don't truly have time to spare but I find time, willingly, because I want to be part of your life. Unfortunately, it is a very one sided arrangement.

Therefore, I've decided it is best for me to free up that time I've spent on you and use it for the one person for whom I rarely have time.

Me.

I think she will be far more appreciative. 

Monday, March 17, 2014

On My Mind


My heart still races
At the thought of him. My love.
How can I unlearn.

He said we’re no more.
I accepted that future.
Is it wrong to hope?

Don’t let me be blind.
If the truth is unpleasant.
Learn to live in it.

But I believe this.
We’ve all we need to rebuild.
If he’ll let it be.

If it’s meant to be.
That’s how I get through each day.
With hope, faith, and trust.

I know this one truth.
We are destined together.
If not him, no one.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Haiku Tuesday... Yes, I Know It's Thursday


What day is today?
Monday? Thursday? Midnight? Noon?
I've lost track of time.

Both busy and bored.
What to do first? All? Nothing?
Perhaps some haikus.

Always running. Next!
Frantic. Frazzled. Head spinning.
Keep going, baby.

I long for some rest.
To sleep, to dream, to stare out.
To even just sit.

Must plan idle time.
Schedule moments of peace.
Savor the quiet.

Meditation. Om.
Relaxation. Reflection.
Listen to breathing.

Still the list is long.
Must work to earn play. Moving.
Time to stop will come...

in time.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Goodnight, 46. Good Morning, 47.

Dear Bonnie,

You've had a very big year! You've done a great deal of logistical life changing, quite a bit of self discover, a fair amount of personal growth. And for that, I believe you deserve the day off. Take tomorrow to be self indulgent.

Eat chocolate for breakfast.
Buy yourself a huge bouquet of flowers.
Take a midday nap.
Reflect on all your accomplishments and be proud.
Look at all your blessings and smile.

You took the road less traveled and it has led you to happiness. Struggles and pitfalls, yes, but ultimately, the path to a deeper understanding of who you are and what you want and that can only lead to your bliss. Keep going!

But not tomorrow. Tomorrow, just be. Enjoy you. You are remarkable. Reveal in it!

I Love You!
Love, Bonnie


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Two Words

"If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in two words?"

That's the question posted to facebook today that has me thinking... which would probably be one of many two word notes to my younger self - Don't Overthink! And for the sake of this piece "over think" is one word ;-)

I have some ideas kicking around in my head that seem to fall into natural categories. Let's try this.


Drink Water
Eat Less
Move Daily
Save Money
Spend Less
Buy Thoughtfully

Don't Chase
Love Comes
Be Patient
Don't Push
Don't Settle

Try Harder
Keep Going
You Can
Dream Bigger
Take Risks
Be Fearless
Be Brave

Be Amazing
Be Astonishing
Be Positive
Breathe Life
Live Life

I guess this is where the phrase 'hindsight is 20/20' comes from. All the wasted moments. Well, not wasted. They've gotten me here. This place called second chances. Where I now can look back and say to my younger self "Hey, you won't understand any of what I'm going to tell you, but you will when you're in your 40's".

It may have taken a while to get here, but I'm glad I'm smart enough to listen now.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Snow Day Haikus

Spring waits wearily.
Her time held off by more snow.
Winter laughs again.

Trapped inside four walls.
I seek relief in my thoughts.
But they bore me too.

Thoughts of him invade.
Exciting. Inspiring. 
I feel alive. Rush.

But he is a dream.
An illusion made of flakes.
The cold awakes me.

This winter must end.
It's been too full of sadness.
I long for lilacs.

Will butterflies come?
Only the patient Spring knows.
If it's meant to be.

April showers clear.
In the new season there's hope.
Gratefulness always.

For if Spring arrives,
Without lilacs, butterflies,
There is still new life.

In Spring I will grow.
New blossoms will be my coat.
A better me comes.