Let the words linger... I can't do it all.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I was not taking care of me because I knew that something else would have to be dropped because I was already working at maximum capacity.
But I don't want to give up anything else. I don't WANT to!! Short of sleeping less or working faster, I don't think I can accomplish this goal or any other without losing something... like my mind.
And because I'm not programmed to do anything less than my personal best, well, now I see why Martha Stewart sleeps four hours a night. And she has a staff of thousands!!
How in God's name and I going to pull this off?
I still haven't decorated for Easter. We leave for Spring Break in five days and I haven't packed. And while on vacation, I am expected to have that house decorated for the holiday too, and plan an egg hunt for the cousins, and Easter baskets. And what about the Easter bunny at home. He has to leave something for my daughter. I refuse to cop out and tell her the truth about his existence just to have one less thing on my to-do list. And what about the bills and the birthdays and the taxes and the appointments that have to be paid and celebrated and filed and rescheduled all to accommodate us being away. I haven't done any of that. And the dishes and the laundry never stop piling up. How is that possible with a family of three? And there is still the full schedule of afterschool activities not to mention school assignments and throw in a few parent participation events in the mix this week too. And I still have to work my two part-time jobs AND take care of me.... how? HOW?!
I'm in a full on panic. I don't think I even breathed during that last paragraph. This is not good for my blood pressure.
OK. 5:10pm. First things, first. I'm going to get the house in order. I can't think straight with beds unmade and dishes on the table. Next, I'm going to sit down with my agenda for this week and 'cut out the fat', then look ahead to what I can possibly do from vacation when I have more time. Lastly, I'm going to start making lists of what we will need to pack, collect those items, put them in the spare room... and close the door until tomorrow.
Heart still racing, but head clearing.
I need some fresh air.
Thank you for listening to my little rant.