But as has been the case so many times over the years, my personal health has always been my biggest obstacle. The need is there, the want is there, but the drive is easily focused on some other task. Something that helps others instead of myself.
When my daughter was younger and in preschool, the opportunity for some 'me' time/exercise was available. But somehow, I had convinced myself that any time spent on me, was time spent NOT being a mother, and I couldn't risk taking my eyes off that ball for a second. [I have come to learn from other chubby mummies, this is a common misconception.] But had I taken the time to take care of me too, I would have been in a better position now.
That diagnosis two years ago went quickly unnoticed and just this week, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes. I am no longer in the 'pre' anything stage. I've gone from the yellow to the red zone. And it scared me to my core.
I spent the rest of the day having a pity party for myself. How did I allow this to happen? I am not the kind of person who let's things fall through the cracks. I'm all about the details and the finished product. Where did I go wrong?
At several important times in my life, the fates have conspired to align the stars in my favor. I do not take these cosmic signs lightly. In fact, as I fight for the control in almost all aspects on my life, in these rare cases, I gladly let them lead.
A week ago to the day that I received my diagnosis, I had made an appointment to audit a kickboxing class at my daughter's karate school. At the time, it wasn't to fight for my life, it wasn't even for the exercise, it was because I liked the music they played during class. Who knew that it would be my salvation.
Here is the course of events:
- Monday morning I got the life changing news.
- Monday evening I was taking my first kickboxing class.
- After which, I signed up.
- And I have been there everyday. EVERY DAY!
In addition to this new lifestyle change (and believe me, this is a huge change), I have stopped my Pepsi addiction cold turkey, I have allowed myself a half cup of coffee a day instead of multiples, in an attempt to rid myself of caffeine, I threw everything out of the house that might tempt me leaving only healthy choices at my disposal. So far, so good.
Six straight days of nothing but focusing on me and getting 'me' back. And I'm doing without losing sight of motherhood (though the dishes and laundry do seem to have taken a back seat - haha). If I realized I could do both, I could have allowed myself this change years ago. But regrets at this point are, well, pointless. I am only looking forward.
And the tight muscled skinny girl inside me, who I am feeling for the first time in decades, is cheering me on.