Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Level Jumping On Friendship

I've been reconnected with an old high school classmate. We were not friends then, but over this last week I feel that we have become so.

He will no doubt be reading this so I feel I must chose my words carefully. All of our conversations have been open and honest but they have been private and for that reason alone, I feel protective of sharing. But I do want to share a bit because I think it is an experience we all can grow from.

We have been filling each other in on the last 20+ years. Surprisingly though, we've only just touched on the broad strokes of life - the where did you work, where did you live, when did you get married. Instead, we've been discussing at length who we have become and how we came to be who we are in a very exposed and frank sort of way.

I'm certain that this level of intimate conversation, for most, is reserved for only the very closest of friends and family. For whatever reason, it seemed utterly natural to start our new friendship this way. There was no facade, no shined up version of ourselves, only truth... sometimes glaringly so. And because of it, we have compacted decades into three phone calls and an on-going facebook message.

But as is my usual course of action, I question things.

Is there a reason it happened this way? Am I seeking more depth in my friendships and so I initiated level jumping and he just came along for the ride?

Have I tired of friendships whose depth only goes as far as talking about what's on sale at the grocery store? Have I allowed myself to get mired in the day to day of life?

Or maybe this is the better way to friendship? No games, no charades, just me, just you.

But there is one more piece to the puzzle. The fact that while we have written and spoken, we haven't been face to face. Does that still give us some anonymity? Are we being as truthful as we think? Are even our issues and conditions and flaws presented with some panache through the written word or in the inflection in our voices?

If you are reading this C, you are no doubt regretting finding me in the first place ;-) But I did tell you this about myself. I question things. I wonder about things. And many times, this is where I come to ask these questions - throwing them to the wind and hoping that someone, somewhere has an answer that will give me some new perspective.

For what it's worth, I have been honest, perhaps with a nod to stand-up comedy in my "prose" but still, that's who I am too ;-) I hope that we will continue to be friends.


  1. Enjoy this wonderful reconnection. You're really lucky to find another person who is honest about who they are and is ok with you being yourself as well. Shut your inner voice off and let it go where it will. You just may find you love where you travel with this new friendship. And I envy you. In a good way. I cannot wait to find a TRUE friend with whom I can experience a deep and meaningful connection.
    Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy this wonderful friendship, Bonnie. You are truly blessed to have it.

  2. Thank you, Wendy. And while I'm here, let me add that I find OUR friendship (yours and mine) refreshing. We don't share a common history, we don't even actually know each other, but I would be hard pressed to find someone who consistently has my back the way you do. For years, I have come to this forum, throwing questions and quandaries to the wind and you answer me, with compassion and understanding. This is a friendship I value :-)

  3. Thank you, Bonnie. Right back at ya :)