Saturday, February 11, 2012

Goodbyes Are Painful


Today was the day.

The day we have been dreading for a long time. The day we had hoped to put off as long as possible... and did. But there was no question that today was the day.

The situation came upon us fast. The flood of emotions was at panic mode. There was no time to mull. Action was required. Not only to end her pain, but to not prolong our hesitation. Any more time and we might have found excuses not to.

Now we are home. My husband, my daughter, and myself. But our furry girl is not. She lived a long and full (and spoiled) life. But at 13 plus years old, she was not herself. She couldn't stand up without help, she couldn't manage the stairs alone, she had begun to wet herself without knowing. Her quality of life was not what we wanted for her... not for the last days of a glorious life.

Saying goodbye was painful. It actually hurts. What may hurt more right now is that she is not here. In a week, we'll go back for her ashes and we'll have a proper burial. In the meantime, we have nothing of her here except for dog hair and stained carpets. Not the best way to be remembered.

But I try not to think about that. I try not to think about many of her final days. I prefer to remember her in her healthier moments; her happier moments.

But we loved her to the last and we love her still. The pain will subside eventually. For now though, we grieve. Openly, with sobbing tears and clenched throats and turning stomachs.

We will love you forever and you will always be a part of us.

Hepburn 11/22/98 - 2/11/12

4 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear this sad news, Bonnie.
    It sounds like you spoiled her rotten. I am glad you have wonderful memories to help you through your loss.

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  2. Today Wendy, the memories are curses. I can't explain the physical pain I am in. This will take some time.

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  3. Yes, because she was another child to you. Amazing how pets become such a huge part of family.

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  4. She was, as I'm coming to realize after looking through all these old albums, very well loved by so many. The tears they are shedding are not just for me or my daughter but tears of their own. It's wonderful in a sad way.

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