Monday, February 22, 2010

Day 1

Today is the first day of my kitchen renovations.

We have lived in this house for nearly 10 years and it was always our intention to gut and redo the entire kitchen. We'd save up money and then have to use it for something else continuing to live with an ugly, albeit working, kitchen. Today, our wait is over.

And while I am so excited it's happening and can't wait to see the end result, there is a pain in the pit of my stomach and I'm having trouble breathing.

Back in October, we removed a wall and added a huge window. Again, it was a project we had wanted to do for year and the finished product was even better than I had imagined it. But for two days (yes, just two days, not a month and a half for a kitchen) I was in serious meltdown. I reposted the blog I wrote during the "festivities" in my home. Please see below to get a taste of what my life will be like in the coming weeks.

OCD requires order; chaos is not my friend. And while I can "suck it up" from time to time (a week at most), it is a daunting task to get myself in the right "head". This project is going to require a great deal of strength on my part and in the meantime, I may become nasty and short-tempered, whiny and weepy, and generally, not myself. I apologize now, as I have and will continue to apologize to my family.


Dust To Dust... To OCD Ridden Meltdown

Small particles freak me out!

I don't bake anything that requires me to flour a surface. Baby powder puts a kink in my neck. And the idea of snorting cocaine is so unsettling. Dusty particles that get EVERYWHERE put me into a mental state so strenuous, I have knots in my shoulders for days after.

As I type, there are construction workers in my home wreaking havoc with my psyche. I'm having a wall replaced with windows in my family room. It's a project I've been wanting to do since we moved into the house 9 years ago and it's going to be beautiful when it's done. In the meantime, I'm losing my mind!

Yesterday was phase one. The brick wall on the outside of the house had to be removed and rebuilt in the configuration of the windows. In order to do this, the mason sawed and chipped and chiseled and hammered, and with every blow, blew fine gray grout and fine red brick dust through every nook and cranny. At one point, I had to squint through the haze INSIDE my house. I would have started hyperventilating but that would have been completely counter productive. Instead, I ran upstairs to the farthest room in the house and shoved my face in a pillow. When the smoke cleared, literally, there was a fine powder over EVERYTHING. I stopped breathing altogether and just left the house. Of course, with picking up the dog from the kennel (we were away for the weekend) and taking my daughter to ballet, I didn't get home until after my husband - my husband, who doesn't care and certainly doesn't notice dust, so there he was sitting in it, eating on it, living with it.... I ran upstairs again, this time to shower off the day.

Today the job should be completed, but I'm already getting the "we've run into a snag" speech so I'm preparing myself mentally for more days of torture (which is just my way of saying, I'm researching nearby psych wards). Today, they are cutting out the inside wall which will mean drywall dust. They've draped the area so less dust will fill the house but let's be honest, dust doesn't discriminate. It spreads itself equally and freely.

I'm having chest pains.

Tomorrow is Maritza's day to clean. I think I'll ask her to start in the family room. She usually starts in the master bath, but I'm going to be in there, showering away the real - and psychological - dust of the last two days.


  1. Your new kitchen will be more than worth it :)
    The long wait will be over and believe it or not you may even be a stronger person! You will have survived :) Use the blog to vent,we don't mind and most probably,your family will! You can sit it out,and the minute the builders and plumbers and electricians and everyone else,you can dust to your hearts content! :)
    Good luck Bonnie,I hope it goes easy for you :)

  2. Thank you. Thank you.
    I'm just going to close my eyes and deal with it ALL later. It's all I really can do, right? Um, Um, happy place.... ;-)