Monday, January 18, 2010

Whomever Said "Patience Is A Virtue" Was An Idiot

Whomever said "Patience is a Virtue" was an idiot. And I don't mean idiot as in "who's the ass who now has us all feeling bad about ourselves because we lack patience" - thought that is part of it. No, I mean actual idiot as in "you'd have to be deaf, dumb, and blind to endure the constant barrage of attacks on one's temper self control button" to believe that being patience in all instances is attainable.

I lack patience. Pure and simple. My sister doesn't have any. My mother doesn't have any either. My grandmother certainly has more but only by comparison to those of us who have so little. I'm sure if you could chart the women in my family back for generations not one would be living up to this virtue. That's not an excuse; it's a statement of fact.

Now while I lack patience, I do have a fair amount of self-control (except maybe around carbs =D) and so it would appear that I have what could be considered patience. What you'd actually be seeing is seething and deep breathing all the while keeping my teeth firmly clenched so as not to scream.

I abhor laziness. I detest "good enough". I loathe procrastination. I hate lack of common sense. Everyday, in nearly every corner of my life, I am confronted with someone's (pick a work from above) that effects my day. It drives me over the edge and because we live in a world where I don't have magical powers to just "poof and gone" these individuals, I'm left seething and breathing and clenching.

What makes this current situation worse is that even my blog, my little refuge, my diary unlocked, has come under scrutiny by people who actually know me so I'm no longer able to talk freely here. Doing so, would leave me open to being "thrown under the bus" as one member of my FB/Blog family attempted to do during the holidays. [You know who you are my dear and you're out matched if you're really looking to damage my reputation.]

But this is not the point of today's rant. No, this is about losing it and not having to consider who it hurts because clearly, those who test my patience are NOT considering how I feel.

I've often said that my daughter is the only one I have patience for. At least I try. Today she tested me, unknowingly of course, and I had to remind myself that it wasn't her I was angry with, but the patterns and flaws she has been learning from others. Character traits that will do nothing to help her in the future but will do a great deal to potentially bring it down. I have been her shadow today (school holiday) in an attempt to correct her whenever she fell off the path. Call me what you will - helicopter mom, obsessive parent, bitch - but damn if I'm not going to do everything I can to keep her moving forward and not fall into bad habits. I've got a chance to right the ship before it lists and I'm taking it! [I can't wait to read the comments that are going to be coming my way with this post.]

I started to lose it, raised my voice, heard her throat clench up as she replied to me, and I backed off. But not before reminding her that which is expected of her and what is not acceptable behavior even if she sees it on a regular basis. She got it. She's a quick study like her mom. I don't expect I'll have to have this conversation again for some time.

For those of whom she is learning the art of "whatever" from, be forewarned! I don't have any patience left for you.

3 comments:

  1. Ditch the FB family! That's a ship we both need to jump from. And why should anyone dictate how you reprimand your child? You have rules in your home. And I do admit, I use the word whatever way more than I should. However, I do make sure my boys are well manered to people outside our home and try to inside.You are the parent and it's up to you to choose what you deem appropriate for your daughter. She can choose what's appropriate after she's a legal adult living under her own roof and paying for it. At least that's what I tell my boys. Something must be clicking in because thus far, knock on wood, people tell me that my men are polite and behaved. Here's hoping the dust has settled in your home and all will be well in the morning after a good sleep =)

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  2. I'm feeling SO much better Wendy because I see that my hovering today has corrected her course. She's back on track. She knows what is expected of her and she knows the consequences if things don't go as they should.

    The "whatever" I was talking about has more to do with the state of mind than the word. If she's rushing through her homework, leaving behind illegible handwriting and ridiculous spelling errors all in the name of "good enough", that's not OK with me. If I tell her to clean up her toys and take the ones that belong upstairs back upstairs, I mean now and in the right place, not when she feels like and then thrown on the floor. When I say you have 30 minutes to play before you have to get ready to go, I'd better not hear whining in 35 minutes.

    Little things I know, but these bad habits turn into much bigger issues - laziness, lack of drive, procrastination, complacency - as witnessed in the individuals she's learning from. I just won't allow it to happen.

    If someday she's lying on a shrink's couch complaining about her mother, let it be because I expected nothing less than the best version of herself that she could produce. I'll "own" that one willingly.

    PS I've been telling myself to get off FB for months. I just can't make the leap.

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  3. Perhaps we both need the shrink to tell us why we can't get our faces off Facebook LOL Completely understand where you are coming from raising your daughter. Keep up the good work. And know that your daughter will have to share the shrink's couch with the Blum brothers ;) LOL

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